Learning from Broken Strings by Aurelie Moeremans, the book opens many people’s eyes to the fact that childhood wounds do not always come from physical violence. Some wounds are born from relationships that appear “warm,” “caring,” and “kind,” yet slowly turn into a trap. This phenomenon is known in psychology as child grooming.

“Not all danger comes with a frightening face. Sometimes it comes with a smile and attention.”

 

What Is Child Grooming?

Child grooming is a deliberate process of psychological manipulation in which a perpetrator builds trust, emotional closeness, and dependency in a child, with the aim of exploitation—emotionally, psychologically, or sexually.

What makes grooming particularly dangerous is that it is not an instant event, but a gradual process.

Perpetrators often appear as:

• The adult who “cares the most”
• The older sibling/mentor who “understands the most”
• A safe figure when the child feels lonely

“Grooming is not about touch first, but about trust that is slowly stolen.”

 

Types of Child Grooming

a. Emotional Grooming

The perpetrator positions themselves as:

• The only one who truly understands
• A secret confidant
• A protector from an “unfair” world

The child is made to feel:

• Safer with the perpetrator than with their parents
• Guilty for distancing themselves
• Afraid of losing the “closeness”

“If a child feels that only one person understands them, that’s an alarm—not romance.”

 

b. Authority Grooming

The perpetrator uses a position of power:

• Teacher
• Coach
• Spiritual leader
• Senior or mentor

The child is taught:

• “Don’t resist”
• “This is for your own good”
• “You must obey”

“Authority without boundaries can shift from guiding to controlling.”

 

c. Digital / Online Grooming

Occurs through:

• Private chats
• Social media
• Online games

Usually begins with:

• Excessive praise
• Intense attention
• Virtual gifts
• Shared secrets

“In the digital world, excessive attention is not always love—it can be a trap.”

 

d. Gradual Boundary Crossing

The perpetrator slowly:

• Shifts conversation topics
• Normalizes inappropriate behavior
• Confuses the child between comfort and discomfort

The child often thinks:

“I’m not sure this is wrong… but it feels strange.”

“Discomfort ignored today can become a major wound in the future.”

 

Why Do People Engage in Grooming?

Child grooming is not driven by love, but by:

▪ A Need for Control

The perpetrator feels powerful by controlling the child’s emotions and decisions.

▪ Cognitive Distortions

The perpetrator justifies their behavior:

• “I’m caring, not hurting”
• “The child was comfortable first”

▪ Empathy Deficits

Difficulty feeling the victim’s suffering; focus on self-gratification.

▪ Repetition of Patterns

Some perpetrators were once victims themselves, but unhealed wounds turn into patterns of harm.

“Unrecognized wounds can turn into wounds that are passed on.”

 

The Impact of Child Grooming on Victims

The effects are often not immediately visible, but emerge years later:

▪ Psychological

• Emotional confusion
• Excessive guilt
• Difficulty trusting others
• Relational trauma

▪ Relationships

• Easily trapped in unhealthy relationships
• Difficulty recognizing boundaries
• Fear of saying no

▪ Sense of Self

• Low self-esteem
• Feeling “it was my fault”
• Difficulty asserting refusal

Many victims only realize later:

“Oh… that wasn’t a healthy closeness.”

“Grooming doesn’t just steal childhood—it also shapes how a person loves themselves and relates to others.”

 

The Role of Parenting in Preventing Child Grooming

Parenting is the primary protective factor.

a. Build a Safe Space, Not a Space of Fear

Children need to know:

• They can speak without being judged
• They won’t be scolded for being honest

“Children who feel safe to speak are harder to manipulate.”

 

b. Teach Emotional Language Early

Help children recognize:

• Comfort vs. discomfort
• Safe secrets vs. dangerous secrets

“Children who can name their feelings are stronger at protecting themselves.”

 

c. Normalize Conversations About Boundaries

Teach that:

• Their body belongs to them
• They are allowed to say no
• Not all adults are always right

“Respecting children doesn’t spoil them—it keeps them safe.”

 

d. Be Involved, Not Intrusive

Be familiar with:

• Their social circle
• Online activities
• Significant figures in their lives

Without excessive control, but with consistent presence.

“Parental closeness is the first line of defense—not strict surveillance.”

 

Closing

Broken Strings reminds us that childhood wounds are often silent, yet resonate throughout adult life. Child grooming is not merely a criminal issue—it is a relational, psychological, and parenting issue.

“Healthy attention sets you free. Harmful attention binds you.”

 

References

• Craven, S., Brown, S., & Gilchrist, E. (2006). Sexual grooming of children: Review of literature and theoretical considerations. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 12(3), 287–299. https://doi.org/10.1080/13552600601069414
• Winters, G. M., Jeglic, E. L., & Kaylor, L. E. (2020). Prevention of sexual grooming of children: An evidence-based review. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 29(7), 831–857. https://doi.org/10.1080/10538712.2020.1760853
• van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York, NY: Viking.